Monday, April 27, 2009

Today's Pet Peeve

Yesterday, Alfonso Soriano was hit in the helmet by a pitch. Clearly, this didn't happen on purpose. Later in the game, Albert Pujols was hit in retaliation.

In retaliation for what? An accident that Pujols had nothing to do with?

If you see Lou Piniella in a bar, make sure you don't spill your drink on him; if you do, he might punch your friend in the face. That'll teach you!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Today's Worst Headline

This one has to be seen to be believed.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Today's Lowlights

Three-way tie for today's worst RSS tidbit. I already went over the first contender. The other two:

In this corner, from

"If a Ph.D. was given in the art of hitting, then let's just say Carlos Quentin already has put in enough hours within the subject to earn that advanced degree."

If a Ph.D. was given in the art of tortured metaphors, then let's just call him Dr. Scott Merkin.

And in this corner, from BP:

"Given Cole Hamels' early elbow problems, the Phillies are lucky they have the easiest schedule of any team in April (.471). The defending champions had better get their house in order by June, because they'll face the toughest schedule of any team in any month at .551."

I'm sure Phillies fans are already relishing the extra ~.02 wins this "luck" confers upon them. Hamels should immediately begin writing his "World Scheduling Champions!" speech for this year's parade.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Worst-Ever Justification For A Podcast

"Eric Karabell and Peter Pascarelli discuss on Baseball Today which feat is rarer: the cycle or a no-hitter."

I'm not going to waste my time listening to this, but I imagine it would sound like one of those phone-a-friends from the new edition of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, where you hear a bunch of typing in the background followed by an answer from Google or Wikipedia.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

DUI Follow-Up

The driver responsible for the Nick Adenhart tragedy is being charged with three counts of murder. How can you charge this man with murder? Was the accident mapped out beforehand? I'm not arguing that he should receive a lighter sentence, but if Andrew Gallo is a murderer, all other drunk drivers are attempted murderers.

Responding to CardSharpCook's comment on my previous post: Perhaps the tone of my post suggested that I think there's no difference between Gallo and anyone who downs a few brews at the neighborhood pub and drives home two blocks with a .09 BAC. That's not entirely reasonable; if it were up to me, the punishment for any DUI would be quite severe, but there would still be additional penalties for causing harm to others, plus a sliding scale where blowing a .15 results in a much greater punishment than blowing a .09. (This may be in place already; I'm not terribly familiar with DUI laws.) Though it's logistically impossible, I'd also like to see a harsher penalty for someone who drives drunk for 20 miles rather than two.

However, comparing drunk drivers to sober drivers (as in the comment) is unreasonable. Operating an automobile grants the driver the power to injure or kill others. A drunk driver has demonstrated that he is not willing to wield this power responsibly; this is different from someone who makes his best attempt to drive safely but still suffers an accident. A better analogy to a drunk driver would be a gun owner who fires his weapon randomly into a city park. When assigning punishment to a person who does this, should it matter that much whether he was (un)lucky enough to hit and kill someone?

CardSharpCook does bring up one good point: it's time to improve the drunk driving propaganda we see in schools. If your school was anything like mine, they faked all the statistics for shock value and painted every drunk driving victim as an innocent 18 year old. The truth is harsh enough. Let's leave it at that.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Results-Oriented DUIs

Yesterday, three people died in a tragic drunk-driving accident that has shocked MLB fans everywhere. Many feel (rightfully) that the responsible driver should spend a long time behind bars.

Tomorrow, two pitchers with DUI convictions will take the mound for their respective teams, and another team will be managed by a drunk driver. I hope the fans at those games boo those three men until their throats hurt.

If you don't see the connection between these two paragraphs, you're kidding yourself. Every time a drunk driver gets off with a slap on the wrist, it teaches others that they can drive drunk too, as long as they don't kill anyone. (Or, in the case of Leonard Little, even if they do.)

I don't mean to trivialize Thursday's crash, but until MLB takes a hard stance against drunk driving among their own players, they're just being results-oriented hypocrites to condemn other drunk driving tragedies.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Results-Oriented Officiating

After a somewhat hard foul by Travis Walton in today's MSU-UConn game, Jeff Adrien attempts to either punch Walton or throw him to the ground, but misses. A fracas ensues, and the announcers say that no additional fouls should be called because Adrien "took a swing, but he missed." Apparently the refs, after viewing the replay for a long time, agreed with this logic.

If any readers are on trial for attempted murder, I suggest you hire the Final Four refs to defend you on the basis that no real harm was done.